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Virginia Tourism Corporation Announces Meth Tasting Trail in Wise County

BIG STONE GAP, Va. — In an effort to boost lagging tourism in the far western edge of the Commonwealth, the Virginia Tourism Corporation announced the opening of the state’s first meth tasting trail in Wise County on Tuesday. Officials hope to replicate the success of Virginia’s several wine trails with a product more suited to the remote, mountainous region.

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For years, the county has struggled with higher-than-average unemployment and little opportunity for upward mobility. Given the growing meth addiction across country and the fact that prices per hit have surged to nearly $25 each, officials see a potentially lucrative opportunity for the economically depressed area.

“We really wanted to find something that got right to the spirit of Wise County,” Cindy Ellison, director of the Virginia Tourism Corporation’s Western Initiative, commented. “Nothing defines southwest Virginia quite like smoking crank atop a dirty mattress.”

Tourists can download the MethWise app to get a detailed map with driving directions to barns and abandoned mobile homes throughout the county. Each stop will feature some of the county’s finest life-destroying chemicals, and visitors can choose between snorting or smoking their meth. Some locations will even offer injections infused with lemongrass and Mountain Dew.

Several of the stops on the meth tasting trail have tried to find innovative ways to attract visitors to their location with “Breaking Bad” themed parties, meth mouth selfie booths, and food trucks featuring Moon Pies and venison jerky.

“This might not be exactly how residents want their county promoted, but the area doesn’t have many other redeeming qualities,” Ellison told reporters. “Minus that one movie with Whoopi Goldberg that came out a few years ago, nobody really perks up when they hear about southwest Virginia.”

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