WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN, Va. — During what was supposed to be a short weekend getaway, a new couple has found themselves in the unenviable and yet all too common predicament of being unable to reach Climax, Virginia.
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Climax, located in Pittsylvania County and made famous by the moonshine that bears its name, frequently draws couples from around Virginia eager to relive the romantic story of a shirtless bootlegger in overalls and his hooch-loving canine. Sadly, due to its remote location and the reluctance of male drivers to ask for directions, many couples who search for Climax are unable to find it.
“I just don’t understand why it’s so hard to get there,” Laura Wexton told reporters after driving around for hours with her new beau Nathan Paul. “My old boyfriend used to bring me to Climax all the time, and it definitely didn’t take this long.”
During the almost four-hour drive, Wexton suggested a number of faster routes, but Paul stubbornly insisted that he knew the way and they were almost there. However, after one seriously wrong turn the couple instead wound up in the town of Tightsqueeze, Virginia.
“Yeah, I’ll admit that was a bad move,” Paul said. “I thought that this might be a shortcut, but Laura was clearly pissed and made me turn the car around immediately.”
After pulling out of Tightsqueeze and returning to the main highway for a few miles, the couple thought that they might have inadvertently stumbled upon Climax. Unfortunately, it turned out instead to be a particularly bumpy dirt road on the outskirts of Leaksville Junction.
Wexton later told The Peedmont that the experience did teach her a valuable lesson about the importance of planning a trip with the right partner and not settling for overconfident people who didn’t actually know where they were going. “It’s not always as much fun, but I think next time I’m just going to drive there by myself. After all, I know the way to Climax like the back of my hand.”
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