News Peed

Campaign Speech Paused to Allow Tim Kaine to Recharge

PORT ROYAL, Va. — A routine campaign stop for Sen. Tim Kaine came to an unexpected halt this past Saturday when his body froze suddenly after his batteries died.

The senator was in the middle of a speech about his plans for healthcare when campaign staffer Mia Lee sensed something was wrong.

“He was talking about making healthcare affordable for all Virginians, when he began repeating himself,” Lee said. “At first, I just thought it was for dramatic effect, but when he said, ‘We will have Medicare for all’ for the 12th time in a row, I knew his batteries were about to die.”

Lee and other staffers quickly rushed Kaine backstage where Mike Henry, Kaine’s longtime campaign manager, was standing by with his charger. However, once Kaine was plugged into the outlet, they realized that his charger cord was broken.

“Tim still hasn’t upgraded from an iPhone 4s style charger port,” Henry said. “So that makes our job difficult whenever a cord breaks. Back in 2016 we sent out two interns to find one after a similar incident. We finally found one in a used electronics store in San Francisco’s Chinatown.”

Thankfully, Henry had a spare cord this time around. After about 20 minutes of charging, and a quick reboot after coming back in Spanish-language mode, Kaine was back on the stage talking about how he plans to manage Virginia’s resources and energy supply.

Meanwhile, Kaine’s opponent Corey Stewart also spent the day dealing with technological difficulties as his official campaign river boat broke down yet again.

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