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Milk and Bread Jokes Declared First Casualty of Hurricane Florence

NORFOLK, Va. — Tragedy struck the Hampton Roads area as Hurricane Florence claimed her first victim when the all-around unfunny joke about the need for milk and bread during severe weather was found dead Wednesday morning.

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According to friends of the unoriginal joke who’ve suffered through relentless posting of memes about people running to the grocery store for milk and bread during storms in the past, the approaching hurricane has taken the abomination of comedy to a new level of destruction.

“The Facebook posts about ‘milk and bread sandwiches’ began on Monday, and then we had over 1,000 confirmed reports of a meme showing empty shelves at a Food Lion flooding Instagram accounts on Tuesday,” Danny Simmons, the Norfolk chief of police, stated in a press conference. “The catastrophic joke did the most damage at a local Kroger, when a mob of looters reportedly ran into the store just to take selfies in the bread aisle and ask people ‘What’s the deal with needing bread and milk in times of severe weather? Who are these people?’ Everyone left two hours and 439 photos later without buying anything.”

The joke was officially pronounced dead Wednesday morning, but some experts believe the joke’s damage was internally fatal as early as Sunday evening.

“This is a very unfortunate tragedy that can be easily avoided if people take safe precautions when it comes to sharing humor that belongs in email chain messages from 2002,” Simmons continued. “It doesn’t take long for an unoriginal gag to be run into the ground. Just like actual bread and milk, these jokes have a shelf life.”

Officials are strongly advising local residents to evacuate from future milk and bread jokes and to seek shelter in other forms of natural disaster comedy to prevent further casualties. Gov. Ralph Northam has declared a state of emergency, calling for any available resources to prevent the kind of humor that could only be found funny in retirement communities.

“The key is awareness,” Northam explained. “The people need to know that what may have been funny 20 years ago might just hurt somebody today. This is exactly why ‘Perfect Strangers’ got cancelled.”

One victim of the comedic catastrophe, Melissa Graham, suffered through a neverending barrage of humor related to milk and bread at her cashier job at Aldi. She thinks it’s a tough loss but hopes the joke can find peace in a later life.

“I mean, I guess this sucks for people like my great aunt in Florida who find Jeff Foxworthy hilarious, but I hope the joke is in a better place. Still not funny though.”

If you need some extra t-shirts to survive the hurricane, we’ve got you covered in our online store.

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