Stormy Daniels Loses Papermoon Gig to Some Chick Named Florence

RICHMOND, Va. — Adult film actress Stormy Daniels was notified through her lawyer Michael Avenatti on Thursday that her much-anticipated performance at Richmond’s premier gentleman’s club, Papermoon, would be bumped for some no-name hussy called Florence.

“What kind of a name is Florence?” Daniels reportedly asked. “Is that a stage name? Where’s the flair? And why the hell does she get to headline for multiple nights? Who does she think she is?”

Daniels had been expected to perform her one-woman show to a crowd of mostly old white men and very curious students from a local Human Sexuality seminar. However, the part-time exotic dancer and alleged former lover of President Donald Trump was instead told that Papermoon regulars would be blown away by this Florence girl who she heard was really going to tear the roof off the place.

“I spanked the president of the United States with a copy of Time magazine while watching Shark Week,” Daniels told reporters in disbelief. “How can Florence top that?”

RELATED:

• Trump Names Dominion’s Chief Lump of Coal as New Head of EPA
• Trump Team Accidentally Starts Border Wall At South Of The Border Resort
• Joe Morrissey Hired as President Trump’s New Personal Counsel

Support true Virginia journalism; visit our online store.