Bottled Water and Toilet Paper Party Is Church Hill Man’s Desperate Attempt to Get Some Use out of Hurricane Supplies

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to make quick use of some of non-perishable items purchased in advance of Hurricane Florence, Church Hill resident Nicholas Tillman held a Bottled Water and Toilet Paper Party over the weekend, sources confirmed Sunday.

RELATED (article continued below):

• Virginia Beach Residents Hope That Hurricane Florence Cleans up Boardwalk
• Milk and Bread Jokes Declared First Casualty of Hurricane Florence
• State of Emergency Declared; Mechanicsville Resident Believes Name of State Has Been Changed to Emergency

“I thought Florence was going to obliterate us, so figured it’d be better safe than sorry to be prepared with a couple of cases of water and some extra toilet paper,” Tillman explained in an interview, adding that Hurricane Florence’s turn towards the Carolinas left him with a closet overflowing with dry goods. “So since Florence didn’t hit, I called up some friends and we decided to make some use of the goods and get obliterated, ourselves.”

One of the highlights of the party was a drinking game that involved throwing the cap of a bottle of water through the ring of a toilet paper roll. “It’s kind of like a mix of a carnival game and beer pong, but without both the beer and ping pong ball, and the losing team has to drink water. We think we had fun, but we did kinda feel sick after drinking dozens of water bottles in one evening.”

Tilman’s commitment to using his hurricane supplies perplexed some party guests who expected a normal evening given that it wasn’t even raining.

“I thought we were just going to toss back a few brews and play some Xbox but I show up and Nick starts acting like it’s the apocalypse,” said Kevin Westborough. “He wouldn’t even let me order Chanellos.”

Tillman went on to add that his friends were also planning a Jenga tournament involving the dozens of cans of soup stockpiled in the event of the storm, and that the winner would go home with 11 boxes of Nutri-Grain bars that were also on standby for the hurricane.

Be sure to swing by our online store for additional supplies and goodies.