RIR Patron Excited for Socially Acceptable Opportunity to Cheer for Car Crash
RICHMOND, Va. — Race day at Richmond International Raceway (RIR) brings its fair share of excitement, but few people are more excited than Dale Fentress who, for one glorious day, is able to cheer for bone-crushing car crashes with little to no negative social consequences.
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According to witnesses, Fentress arrived at RIR this morning already at an estimated 0.2 BAC and didn’t hesitate to make his excitement about the prospect of epic automobile accidents known. “You know, all your life you have to be all fancy and proper,” Fentress commented. “Thinking like, ‘oh I sure hope that red mustang on the interstate doesn’t flip over the median,’ and ‘boy, it would be a shame if that tractor trailer were to lose control and wreak unstoppable carnage upon innocent motorists.’ But not today.”
“Look, I know there are real people in those cars, and I hope they all come out alright,” he continued, “but this is really the only time where I can cheer for and watch a potentially dangerous car wreck while absolutely obliterated on cheap beer, outside of my niece’s elementary school carpool line, of course.
Like many other patrons, Fentress isn’t interested in the complex maneuvering strategies implemented by some of the world’s best drivers to avoid vehicular bloodbaths at high speeds. Rather, Fentress just wants to see what he describes as “some real ‘Mad Max’-esque mayhem.”
“Since this is the only real time I can cheer for a car crash with other intoxicated Virginians, I’m hoping for something so bad that I literally can’t look away from it.”
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