MCLEAN, Va. — In an impressive show of punctuality, Corey Stewart arrived several hours early for this evening’s debate against Sen. Tim Kaine despite having traveled from the year 1862, sources confirmed Wednesday morning.
Stewart, who typically resides in Antebellum years, claimed he left 1862 earlier than normal to ensure he reached the Capital One Headquarters ahead of schedule.
“If there’s one thing Lee taught me about being a glorified Southerner, it’s to always show up early to a debate,” Stewart stated, who added that he wasn’t sure if his time space portal was in fully operational condition and didn’t want to risk a delay. “I had supper with my family last night before loading up the wagon and heading off to the portal. I don’t see Kaine here yet, so I wonder what that says about him?”
Stewart ended his remarks by revealing that although he was here early, his trusty steed Jebediah was still in time travel transit and was expected to arrive in the late afternoon.
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