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State Fair of Virginia to Offer Free Diabetes With Ticket Purchase

DOSWELL, Va. — In an effort to make obtaining an official diagnosis more convenient, officials of the State Fair of Virginia have begun offering free diabetes with every ticket purchase, sources confirmed Wednesday.

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“In previous years, a lot of our customers have complained about the hassle of doctor’s visits, medical bills, and trying to figure out why their limbs get numb after their visit to the fair,” State Fair spokesperson Rick Ronalds said in an official statement. “This year, we’re working to cut out the middleman and give them their diabetes diagnosis straight off.”

In a statement to all fairgoers, officials recommended upgrading their tickets to include diabetes if they plan to consume funnel cake, chocolate-covered cheesecake on a stick, or burgers with donuts for buns during the event.

“If someone tells us that they’re going to get the fried Snickers bar at any point during their visit to the State Fair, we automatically add the diabetes to their ticket,” Ronalds went on to explain. “We’re just doing our best to serve the community.”

At press time, employees were seen testing out a related promotion by giving out free heart attacks to fair attendees in line for Zero Gravity.

Be sure to swing by our online store before you go back to looking at cat memes or whatever it is you do in your free time.

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