City Announces Plan to Begin Construction on Every Road Involved in Your Commute

RICHMOND, Va. — During a press briefing the City of Richmond Department of Public Works announced a new plan to start roadwork on absolutely every street you use to get to your workplace. Starting first thing tomorrow morning, crews will be present on just about every block of your drive either occupying an entire lane to rip it up for no obvious reason or doing that thing where they stop traffic for five minutes and then wave you through. The city stated that this plan is intended to update infrastructure, repair normal road wear, and screw with your morning routine for two to three months.

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“It is our sincere hope that this project operates at peak efficiency so that it is completed no sooner than just long enough for you to have finally given up and gotten used to it,” announced the department chairman Michael Rutherford. He went on to explain, “The selection of streets and blocks where we will be focusing our efforts may seem utterly random and frustratingly unavoidable, but I assure you, that was our intent.”

Citizens are told to expect little to no predictability when using these roads over the coming months, and local bosses and shift managers have already released statements saying they are completely aware of the construction but have no intention of forgiving unpredictable lateness.

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