WASHINGTON — The largest Viking ship in the world, Norway’s Draken Harald Hårfagre, arrived in the nation’s capital today to begin its long-awaited ten-day visit, including several days of sightseeing, one wild night of pillaging, and a job fair to recruit a new cohort of unpaid student interns.
“The seas have not been kind to our sails,” first mate Vetle Loga told The Peedmont. “We fear we have little choice but to use our giant Norwegian muscles to power our 50 massive oars. But to do that we need more sailors, preferably beefy ones that are willing to work for experience and nothing else.”
RELATED (article continued below):
- Unemployed DC Millennial to Work at Non-Profit and Move Back in with Parents
- Richmond Young Professional Only Mentions “Lower Cost of Living” 34 Times in Conversation with D.C. Colleagues
- Family Holds Intervention For NOVA Man Claiming To Be From DC
Fliers began circulating around local universities early last week. When the ship finally arrived, it was greeted by throngs of unemployed students with resumes in hand, ready to work for absolutely nothing.
“At first, we thought it was savage and uncivilized not to pay someone a living wage for a full day of work,” Captain Gjermund Hoem said. “But we were pleased to learn that the people of Washington seemed okay with it. Now we’ll be able to spend more of our hard-earned booty on organic mead and reupholstering the couch on our party deck.”
The unpaid interns will be tasked with rowing the 115-foot vessel, cleaning the deck of blood and detritus from fallen enemies, and of course bellowing out catchy Viking songs during the long journey ahead.
When asked what was so appealing about a thankless and difficult job that offered no real benefits, George Washington University junior Greg Lipinski commented, “You have clearly never worked for the government.”
“I’m hoping the long hours in the sun will also help treat my crippling vitamin D deficiency from working inside a cold, stale federal office building for hours on end,” he added.
Positions are expected to last for one semester or until the intern dies of exposure. Funeral pyres and/or burials at sea will be offered at the intern’s expense.
Yeah, we know this is great stuff. We also know our online store is great stuff.