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Star-lite Relaunches Under New Name: “Fuck, It’s 3 a.m. and I’m Hungry”

RICHMOND, Va. — Star-lite Dining & Lounge, the place you always seemed to end up at the end of a drunken night in the Fan, officially closed its doors on Saturday, Sept. 1. Fans of Star-lite, however, will soon be able to celebrate its triumphant return under a new name: “Fuck, It’s 3 a.m. and I’m Hungry.”

Scott and Deborah Raddick, owners of LUNCH and SUPPER, purchased Star-lite with the aim to expand their successful restaurant concept to the Fan. The owners initially teased they planned to name the restaurant “Brunch” after a favorite Richmond past time but have reportedly had a change of heart.

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“We realized that getting sloppy drunk and eating over-cooked mozzarella sticks is far more Richmond than having brunch,” Deborah Raddick explained. “We kept the menu more or less the same and changed the name to reflect the way our loyal patrons already viewed the establishment.”

Late night visitors can look forward to being greeted by the same tired and unfriendly wait staff they grew to love, with only slightly less fucks given about the quality of the food.

“I can’t wait to get completely blackout at 3 Monkeys and wander into ‘Fuck’ covered in my own vomit,” sixth-year VCU student Garrett Michaelson said. “It will be just like old times.”

According to sources, the new and improved menu will include some changes, including revamped versions of favorites like stale nachos, overcooked burgers, and maybe some stolen Sticky Rice dumplings, if you’re lucky.

“It’ll be a lot like 3rd Street Diner,” Deborah Raddick said excitedly. “Only not nearly as classy.”

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