Midlothian Man Tired of Hearing What His Coworker Karen Would Do If She Won Lottery

MIDLOTHIAN, Va. — After patiently listening to a neverending diatribe about a financial paradise that will never exist, a Midlothian resident is reportedly sick and tired of hearing his coworker’s consistent blabbering about what she would do with her lottery winnings, sources confirmed Wednesday.

Jerry Cason, a longtime employee at Capital One, claims to be at the end of his rope as a result of his coworker Karen’s seeming inability to shut up about what she would do if she won the $1.6 billion Mega Millions jackpot. “I get it, you’d buy a huge mansion in Tampa after telling me, our coworkers, and management to go to hell,” Cason said, adding that the lack of originality in their wildest fantasies wasn’t helping at all. “Oh, and you’d buy a Bentley for yourself and a Rolls-Royce for your husband. Seriously, nobody gives a damn, Karen.”

Attempts to reach Karen for her side of the story were met with veiled hostility and referrals to her expensive attorney.

RELATED

• Karen Shows up to Pony Pasture in Riding Pants, Disappointed
• Recent Richmond Transplant Calls Any Area He Goes to Drink “the Fan”
• “Stranger Things” Creators Discover the Upside Down Is Actually Hopewell

Show your support for true Virginia journalism – check out our online store.