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News Peed

VCU Basketball Excited to Begin Fourth Year of Irrelevance Under Coach Not Shaka Smart

MikeRhodes

RICHMOND, Va. — Anticipating yet another season of completely forgettable games, VCU basketball has expressed eagerness to begin playing again under the coaching of someone who’s not Shaka Smart, sources confirm Friday.

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“I think this year we’re really going to play to the best of our partially-exerted abilities,” the current VCU basketball coach whose name nobody ever remembers said. “It’s what I tell my players before every game: we’re going to get out there and really show them a team that plays just fine.”

The coach who isn’t Shaka Smart continued to explain their plan to match the energy and ability from last year. “We look forward to making headlines in the VCU school paper and pretty much nowhere else,” what’s-his-name told reporters.

According to reports, the VCU basketball team has a similar sense of mild anticipation for the upcoming year. “I’m fairly pumped for the upcoming season. That guy makes me feel moderately excited to play each game,” point guard Brandon Lewis said, forgetting the name of the coach he’s played under for the past year.

At press time, a group of VCU alumni were seen standing outside the Siegel Center wearing their commemorative Final Four T-shirts, reminiscing about the one year that VCU basketball was known outside of the city.

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