RICHMOND, Va. — In a poignant display of mourning, Confederate flags across the Commonwealth have been ordered to fly at half-staff following Corey Stewart’s resignation from statewide politics.
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The order to lower the flags was given by Henry Albertson, the leader of the confederate advocacy group Virginia Sons of the Confederacy, who gave a speech regarding Stewart’s surrender to the blue state at the Jefferson Davis monument in Richmond.
“Stewart was a dedicated fighter for our proud heritage,” Albertson tearfully said, adding that even though this marked yet another defeat that the South has had to suffer, the fight that was technically lost in 1865 was not over just yet. “Our boy Corey may not be the brightest, he has a terrible record of running for office, isn’t particularly articulate, and probably should never have entered politics in the first place, but he is white, so the sky’s the limit.”
Stewart’s defeat recalled the Confederacy’s rich history of becoming too attached to losing causes and antiquated agricultural policies, but the solemn display of honor to Stewart has served as inspiration to others who value antebellum views.
“He was a proud hero for the cause, and we plan to honor his legacy in a way that Lee would’ve wanted. I hereby order all Confederate flags to be lowered to half-staff until either we get another carpetbagger from Minnesota to fight for us, or until we finally rise again. Whichever comes first.”
Following the reception, a platoon of Confederate soldier reenactors performed a 21-gun salute for their defeated leader.
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