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Richmond Government Threatens Shutdown Unless NOVA Pays for Wall at Fredericksburg Border

RICHMOND, Va. — Due to worsening bipartisan conflicts regarding a secure border with Northern Virginia, Richmond could be facing a possible government shutdown if a budget plan for a border wall is not approved, sources revealed Wednesday.

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For months, Richmond city council members have argued over funding for building a 15-foot wall near the Fredericksburg metro area, with the primary divide between Republicans who are in support of a wall, and Democrats who are opposed to a wall. Republicans have argued that through renegotiated trade deals and a potential tax on the tolled portion of I-95, Northern Virginia will ultimately pay for the wall.

While the wall would technically not be built within the Richmond city limits, those in support are pleading for the power of imminent domain to build in other counties.

A government shutdown would likely lead to hundreds of city employees being out of work for an uncertain amount of time, and the likelihood of the city council being unable to reach an agreement has a shutdown seeming inevitable.

Many Republican officials, such as former gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie, have been outspoken in support of a wall.

“NOVA is not sending their best,” Gillespie said in a press release, going into detail on the migrants. “They’re sending tech-bros, policy wonks, and arrogant assholes that are OK with paying $10 for a cocktail during happy hour. And some, we assume, are nice people.”

Support for the Fredericksburg wall is rooted in deep-seated cultural divisions between the Northern Virginia counties and what those in Richmond refer to as “real Virginia.” In his statement, Gillespie noted that many in the southern half of the state view Northern Virginians as mostly transplants from other states whose influence ruins the Commonwealth’s charm.

“Real Virginians don’t want some guy who was born in New York telling them that Domino’s Pizza sucks or that they don’t know how to drive in the snow,” Gillespie said.

The wall would likely stretch from King George County through Spotsylvania, cutting across downtown Fredericksburg and continuing towards Warrenton. The wall would have gates and immigration checkpoints along major travel highways, such as Interstate 95, Route 1, and Route 301. Those who are unable to provide valid permission to be in “real Virginia” will be swiftly deported to Delaware.

Some Republicans have estimated that the wall will cost around $2 billion; however, other experts have given estimates ranging from $10 to $15 billion, with additional millions spent in maintenance on the wall.

Gillespie also justified the wall by pointing out that a dangerous export from Northern Virginia crossing the Spotsylvania County line is ‘Live, Laugh, and Love’ posters, which authorities say are only fueling what they’ve nicknamed as ‘The War on Brunch.’

“The only sensible solution is for Northern Virginia to pay for our sense of border security, and that is a hill we are willing to die on, along with thousands of other government employees, literally.”

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3 Comments on Richmond Government Threatens Shutdown Unless NOVA Pays for Wall at Fredericksburg Border

  1. Abbey Childers // January 9, 2019 at 11:05 pm // Reply

    The Peedmont would actually be funny if Northern Virginia was the center of the universe as its writers believe.


  2. This is funny! Richmond, however, is pretty much a smaller version of NOVA, so a wall wouldn’t make sense if this was the reality. We’re all the same…. Virginians. 🙂


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