White Woman’s Brunch Plans Threaten Possibility of Attending Women’s March

ALEXANDRIA, Va. –– Completely torn between her feminist leanings and her love for brioche French toast, local white woman Ashley Evans fears that her upcoming brunch plans will interfere with her intention of attending the Women’s March on Washington, sources confirmed Saturday.

RELATED (article continued below):

• Richmond Government Threatens Shutdown Unless NOVA Pays for Wall at Fredericksburg Border
• Guy Who Does Nothing for the Cause Marks Interested on Women’s March Facebook Event for Feminist Brownie Points
• Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

“I promised my coworker Amy that I’d go with her to the Women’s March a long time ago, but I’m sure she has other feminist friends to go with,” Evans explained, further commenting that she went to the Women’s March in 2017. “That was the one that really mattered anyway,” she said, adding that she had even taken the extra steps to buy a pussy hat and make a witty but empowering sign.

Evans further explained the importance of her brunch plans on the day that conflicts with the Women’s March, saying that she had been invited by a group of her sorority sisters. “I haven’t seen some of these girls in months. Plus, Jessica just got engaged and I haven’t seen the ring yet,” she told reporters. Evans went on to say that she also wants to see Marissa’s new highlights and Becca’s ultrasound picture.

At press time, Evans had resolved to post a female empowerment meme that said “She believed she could, so she did” in lieu of attending the Women’s March.

Show your support for local journalism – check out our online store.