RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that he had no idea he was even in the line of succession to become the leader of the Commonwealth, Frank Donahue, the State Capitol’s head janitor, arrived at work to discover that he was now Virginia’s governor, sources confirmed Thursday.
RELATED (article continued below):
- Commonwealth Auctions provides estate and business liquidation auctions to central Virginia. Follow them on Facebook to learn more.
“This is all a shock to me,” Donahue remarked. Despite having spent the past seven years making sure the bathrooms outside of the Senate Chamber are clean, he is now poised to become the state’s governor due to his noticeably clean background. “I had overheard about the stuff Northam, Fairfax, and Herring were going through, but I didn’t think it would lead to the guy who mops the floors around the rotunda becoming the boss. That’s one heck of a promotion.”
The former custodian and new governor-elect was last seen reading a copy of the state’s constitution while asking colleagues if they could replace the urinal cakes in the men’s restroom near the building’s main entrance on Bank Street.
- Gillespie Staffer Fired for Not Finding Northam Pictures During Election
- House Speaker Kirk Cox Frantically Admits Regretful Decision to Wear Ron Paul ‘88 Shirt During His 30s
- Richmond Government Threatens Shutdown Unless NOVA Pays for Wall at Fredericksburg Border
- Trump Team Accidentally Starts Border Wall At South Of The Border Resort
- Abortion Controversy Only Second Worse Thing to Happen to White Male Governor This Week
- “Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day
- Virginia’s Major Interstates, Ranked by Sexiness
Have you been to our online store at least three times today?