House Speaker Kirk Cox Frantically Admits Regretful Decision to Wear Ron Paul ‘88 Shirt During His 30s

RICHMOND, Va. — Saying that his decision to wear the outfit was very regrettable and seemed harmless at the time, House Speaker Kirk Cox has admitted to wearing a shirt supporting Ron Paul during the 1988 presidential election, officials confirmed Friday.

“It was a horrible decision, and I should’ve known better,” Cox said in a statement released on Friday morning, admitting that photos of him wearing a sweatshirt supporting the Libertarian candidate likely exist in old photo albums scattered throughout the state.

“It was really more of an accident—I was out with some friends one night, we had a few drinks, and it was cold outside, so I borrowed the sweatshirt from my pal Steve and forgot to give it back at the end of the night.” Cox went on to admit the shirt piqued his curiosity in the perennial Libertarian candidate’s platform, and that he soon began telling anyone willing to stand next to him for more than eight seconds that taxation is theft and America must return to the gold standard.

“I presented myself as an ardent Libertarian for nearly a month, which I understand was a reckless decision that I take full responsibility for.”

Cox ended his statement by asking forgiveness from the citizens of Virginia, and assuring the public that, should he be made governor due to the happenings within the Democratic Party, he would work to eradicate all Ron Paul memorabilia throughout the Commonwealth.

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