Chesterfield County Teacher in Constant State of Arousal at the Thought of Impending Snow Day
CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Describing the feeling as a complete and irresistible tease, Winterpock Elementary School teacher Brian Grandoff has been in a state of arousal on the eve of a potential snow day, sources confirmed Tuesday.
“The prospect of having a day off thanks to that sexy bitch Mother Nature has me riled up in a way that I’ve never felt before,” Grandoff explained, adding that his turgid genitalia was raging stiff like a 12th hour snowman since WRIC meteorologist Matt DiNardo started reporting on the upcoming storm.
“It’s definitely the uncertainty of just how much snow or ice Richmond may get that has me more turned on than the entire state was during the blizzard of ‘96. Watching the news is like watching PornHub Premium on Valentine’s Day right now.”
At press time, a sweating Grandoff was seen looking through his living room window for falling snowflakes while tenderly caressing his erection.
- New Research Reveals That Absolutely Nobody in Virginia Should Drive in Snow
- Norfolk’s Only Snowplow Guy Absolutely Thrilled for Coming Storm
- CBS 6 Weather Predictions Reduced to Shrugging and Saying “Sure, Why Not”
Have you been to our online store yet today?