Best Virginia Mountain Ranges for Building Your Unabomber Shack
Whether you’re looking for a place to wage a war of environmental terrorism or you just read Into the Wild and want to get away from society, Virginia offers a number of options for building a Unabomber-style shack in the middle of nowhere. Here are our picks for the best to places to go full-on Ted Kaczynski or Christopher McCandless in the commonwealth.
RELATED (article continued below):
- Virginia’s Major Interstates, Ranked by Sexiness
- Dominion Defends Controversial Decision to Bulldoze Entire Appalachian Mountain Range
- Following GWARbar Success, O.A.R. Bar Opens in Charlottesville to Much Fanfare, Bro
Located in the George Washington and Jefferson National Forests, Priest Wilderness is the place to be if you’re looking for a quiet destination to write a manifesto with your own feces. It’s perfectly situated just off the Appalachian Trail, but not close enough to bring clueless hikers onto your homestead. This little slice of complete isolation is conveniently located near Charlottesville should you need to buy diesel fuel and an alarming amount of fertilizer at a moment’s notice. Just keep an eye out for park rangers and you’ll be fine.
Like its name suggests, Purgatory Mountain is the ideal location to suffer and repent for your earthly sins, especially if those earthly sins include blowing up computer science professors. Described as lacking any flat surface large enough for a man to sleep on, you won’t have to waste valuable time building a shack. Instead you can sit under the stars and scream about the government devils, as God intended, while you wait for the cold, starvation, or an accidental explosion to kill you. It’s just like the real Purgatory.
This quaint little town on the Virginia-Tennessee Border is right where you want to be if you’ll have to flee into a different jurisdiction for legal reasons. Described as an “old fashioned country village” on Wikipedia, Taylors Valley doesn’t have modern conveniences like gas stations and major grocery stores, which is great since you’ll rant against these conveniences when you get to writing your manifesto anyway. In fact, Creeper Trail Café, the town’s lone restaurant, is an excellent spot to write your manifesto, as well as google potential targets. Since the townspeople are used to strangers coming and going on the Appalachian Trail, you’ll be able to keep a low profile and escape at a moment’s notice if the FBI reads your manifesto and tracks you down.
Make sure you swing by our online store and get a t-shirt before you retreat into the mountains.
Leave a Reply