Kings Dominion Unveils New Ride Is Just Driving Over 70 Potholes on George Washington Parkway

DOSWELL, Va. — Amid curiosity and an initiative to develop attractions closer to Washington D.C., Kings Dominion has announced their most fear-inducing ride yet: driving highway speeds over more than 70 jolting potholes on the George Washington Memorial Parkway.

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No axles are safe on Kings Dominion’s new attraction Parkway of Pain, which they acquired from the National Parks Service early this year. Boasting a slew of unfilled potholes that stress test both the car and the driver behind the wheel, the ride is expected to be harrowing.

“We’re always looking for the next big thing,” Kings Dominion spokesperson Rob Callaway said, “so any opportunity to subject people to horrifying circumstances at high speeds is something we get excited about.”

Beginning in April 2019, the parkway will close to ordinary traffic, and park employees will allow riders to enter the course at one of many stations along the road. After entering the parkway, drivers will be treated to a litany of violent jerks and jostles as they cruise their cars over the unkempt pavement. Drivers will get to experience everything from tame divots to completely exposed metal rebar that should never see open air.

“Parkway of Pain is truly revolutionary with its modern ‘deconstructed’ design,” Callaway explained. Kings Dominion’s owners don’t plan to make any changes before the road begins its new life as a thrill ride.

“We think that the G.W. Parkway is unsettling enough as it is,” Callaway continued. “To really get that adrenaline going, we plan to just let it do the mangling it does best.”

Thrill seekers may rent a car or bring their own, provided they sign a waiver that the park is in no way liable for any damage incurred to the vehicle. “Though risking potentially thousands of dollars in damage to a personal vehicle,” Callaway said, “Parkway of Pain makes it clear that sometimes you have to take a risk to have a little fun.”

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