CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — The University of Virginia Cavaliers clinched a Final Four berth for the first time since 1984, causing a group of rambunctious students to celebrate by burning down the Rotunda for the first time since 1895.
“Well, we made history by getting to the Final Four for the first time in a while,” Trevor Prescott, a basketball fan and student arsonist, explained. “That got me thinking, what else hasn’t happened at UVA in a while? Next thing I know I’m making kindling out of copies of the Cavalier Daily soaked in Bacardi 151 with a bunch of other guys from Alpha Sigma Phi.”
Much like the fire in 1895, yesterday’s conflagration also included a group of spectators who sat back and enjoyed the blaze over a few drinks and a picnic lunch.
The original burning of the Rotunda, while tragic, is now being reclaimed as a celebratory gesture. “Every school has their thing,” Prescott said. “Students at West Virginia burn couches, students at UVA burn UNESCO World Heritage sites. You gotta work with what you got.”
You can support The Peedmont’s mission to bring you unethical journalism by joining our Patreon.
- Crozet Tourism Board Announces 2019 Town Slogan “Shit’s Lit RN, Get Here Fam”
- Virginia Tech Student Recovering After Body Rejects Liver of UVA Grad
- Global Sperry Shortage Causes Panic On UVA Campus
Oh, hey, we’ve got merchandise too!