CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — UVA second-year and Kappa Sigma brother Kyle Adams was humanely euthanized today after breaking his leg while doing a keg stand at the Foxfield Races, sources confirmed Saturday.
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While trying to catch the attention of several women in Lilly Pulitzer sundresses, witnesses report that Adams climbed onto a Natty Light keg; however, the ritual went horribly wrong, as Adams lost his grip and fell onto a nearby tent post. The fall resulted in a severe compound fracture in his right leg.
Attendees watched in horror as blood and beer covered Adams’ seersucker shorts. Emergency personnel rushed to the scene, but ultimately ruled that nothing could be done to save him.
Hank Fredericks, one Adams’ fraternity brothers who helped to hoist him into position on the keg, noted that Adams’ fall was nothing short of embarrassing. “Adams went down like a total geed,” he remarked, noting that he expected better from a second-year studying finance. “I’d want to be put down too if I fell off a keg like that in front of hundreds of other frat bros. We were doing him a favor.”
“Mr. Adams was losing consciousness as we arrived,” Rose Braxton, an EMT on the scene, said afterwards. “We could tell that he had ingested beer before liquor in the hours leading up to his fall — total rookie move. And after considering that his broken leg would have made him a total drag at formals, we decided that the best thing for us to do was to put him down.”
Those who knew Adams best, like his roommate Doug McMillan and his most recent ex-girlfriend Megan Shires, say that they will always remember their time spent with him. “I’m really going to miss our late night Fortnite games,” McMillan observed. “Even though he couldn’t back up all the shit he talked, he was a decent guy to play with.”
“Chad was a real sweetheart,” Shires said of her ex, although she did admit that their relationship had not ended on the best of terms. “Did I say Chad? Sorry, I meant Kyle. Kyle was really someone special.”