MCGAHEYSVILLE, Va. — Noting the creature seemed overly self-aware at the sight of a camera, multiple reports have confirmed that a deer in Shenandoah National Park isn’t feeling too photogenic today.
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Park ranger and naturalist Mike McCarthy identified the animal to be Mark, a beloved deer known to college students’ Snapchat stories and old women’s Facebook timelines.
“Mark just don’t look like himself today,” McCarthy explained. “That deer right there is not normally one to shy away from pictures, but something ain’t right.”
Passersby reported that Mark appeared timid and embarrassed and would bolt every time a visitor attempted to photograph him. McCarthy elaborated that the root of most animals’ self-conscious mannerisms stems from the model animals they see in advertisements. When interviewed, Mark explained that he shouldn’t be expected to live up to the unrealistic body standards of an ideal buck.
“So what if I overslept a little bit? And maybe I’ve been overdoing it on the acorns, maybe spending a little too much time at the watering hole, but you try living up to these unnaturally beautiful John Deere and Deer Park models, OK?”
Debby Anderson, who frequently photographs deer at the park, expressed concern over Mark’s abnormal behavior.
“Mark wasn’t the typical stoic model he has been in the past; today he seemed off his game,” Anderson said. “He didn’t hit a single pose for me, and he appeared to be a bit emasculated. Quite frankly he looked like a deer in the headlights.”
Despite pleas from the park’s guests to be his usual bubbly self, Mark insisted that he shouldn’t be at the mercy of someone attempting to look rugged by putting a picture of him on their Tinder.
“These creeps come out here every day and take pictures of me doing mundane activities like I’m some circus show boy,” Mark said, visibly frustrated. “We deer have our own crosses to bear, you know. It can get a little exhausting, especially this time of year when you have bands of brightly dressed psychos that rub my pee on themselves and then try and shoot me for fun. I’m sorry, but with the stress of all of this, you can’t just expect me to be some walking Boys’ Life cover.”