RICHMOND, Va. — In a move many are calling as controversial as it is progressive, Virginia Commonwealth University has partnered with commercial juggernaut Amazon Prime to deliver diplomas within 24 hours of graduation. While some are heralding this as a step toward the future, others are worried that tradition is being left behind.
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“I had already ordered my cap and gown,” recent graduate Susan DeForest complained. “And right afterward, VCU announced that there isn’t going to be any live ceremony. It just doesn’t seem right that my parents don’t get to see me walk across the stage to get my diploma. The fact that my cap and gown were sent via Amazon Prime just seemed like a cruel irony.”
VCU spokesperson Jerry FitzGerald said that the recent development is simply where things are headed.
“Instead of having to find parking and making sure everyone has a ticket to get in, now attendees can watch the commencement speech on Amazon Prime. This year, we’re in for a real treat. Two words: Carrot Top.”
For a small fee, students will need to set up their Amazon Prime account. Then, once all of the student’s grades are processed, the diploma will be sent off with guaranteed delivery by the next day.
“Look, no one remembers graduation,” FitzGerald said. “It’s one big headache and then we all get loaded. This way, we’ve done everything we can to make it even more uneventful. I mean, what’s more uneventful than no event at all?”