LYNCHBURG, Va. — Students attending summer programs at Liberty University received a dire warning from university president Jerry Falwell Jr. during their weekly student convocation: to beware the trap of Trap music. The admonition came after several students were caught playing the Flosstradamus remix of Major Lazer’s “Original Don” on the school’s radio station.
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“Trap is a temptation that may lead you aboard a Hell-bound train,” Falwell said. “The same is true for Rap, Hip-Hop, and Jazz music.”
Falwell urged the students to remember 1 Timothy 4:12, cautioning them to remain vigilant as even the slightest shake of a female hip can lead men into lustful frenzy and damn them for eternity.
“Remember that your body is a temple which should not be poisoned with synthesized beats and Special K,” Falwell said.
He also lectured the student body at length that any music outside of praise and worship songs promotes violence, drug use, and the empowerment of non-whites and women, all of which he believes are sins to the Lord.
Many students, like Kyle Stewart, applauded Falwell Jr.’s message. “I would never listen to Trap music,” Stewart said, “It’s un-American and un-Christian. I listen to real music, like Third Day and Creed.” Other students, such as Nicole Lewis, are now worried that they may be going to hell for listening to Trap music. “Is Cardi B Trap music?” Lewis asked afterwards. “If so, oooooh crap!”
Sources inside university said that Falwell is already hard at work preparing next week’s message: “Why Deuteronomy proves the Muller investigation was an abomination to the Lord.”