Audi A7 Just Cut Six People off Behind You on the Beltway and You’re Next

TYSONS, Va. — A car has been seen weaving in and out of traffic during rush hour on the Capital Beltway, and sources have confirmed that it is now your turn to get cut off. The luxury automobile seems to be approaching rapidly as it slices through futile lane dividers on a stretch of the congested highway. Every driver behind you that fell victim did not even realize until it was too late. Your decision now is to try to resist or just let it happen to you.

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Witnesses in nearby vehicles at the scene say the Audi A7 is careening with reckless abandon while it “callously destroys the self-confidence of every driver it overtakes.” Local Honda Civic driver Darren Greer was unsettled by the commotion. “I’m fucking terrified of this guy,” Greer revealed. “I’m trying to maintain a safe following distance and this guy is all over the road. He’s going to get someone killed.”

Other witnesses had different opinions. “Look, it’s kind of badass,” said Nicholas Vasquez, who drives a souped-up Camry himself. “Sometimes you’ve just got that need for speed. I get that same adrenaline-fueled semi-erect feeling when I cut across a few lanes and narrowly miss a school bus.”

As adrenaline is beginning to build, with your white knuckles on the steering wheel, the speed demon behind you is making a beeline for the space between your vehicle and the car ahead of you. Sources say that this space is best described as “definitely smaller than an Audi A7.”

“Do you speed up? Slow down? Keep your current speed? The evidence just isn’t clear at this time,” Gina Atley, an expert in traffic studies at UCLA, said.

“There is no right answer. One of the best things you can do is scream ‘Jesus take the wheel’,” Atley added.

This is a developing story.

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