Standing in Line Festival Opens This Saturday

RICHMOND, Va. — A love of overpriced beer, food trucks, and standing around is expected to draw huge crowds this Saturday at the first annual Standing in Line Festival at Maymont. The Standing in Line Festival will offer attendees the opportunity to stand in an orderly line and inch forward every five minutes.

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The festival is the brainchild of Gregory Koch, a longtime festival attendee and event planner with RVA Live. He noticed after attending numerous music concerts and art festivals that most people spend the entire time waiting for beer, food, or to urinate. He sees this as an opportunity to bring something new to Richmond.

“I’ve been to 140 music festivals and people spend 95% of their time at festivals waiting in line without ever really paying attention to the entertainment or partaking in the intended purpose of the festival,” Koch said. “So I figured why bother with entertainment if everyone is just going to wait for hours to get beer and an overpriced cheesesteak.”

The sold-out festival is expected to draw crowds of up to 10,000 people. Koch said attendees were not given the option to print tickets in advance and should plan to wait for several hours in the festival’s single will-call line, staffed by one man with a limited grasp of English.

RVA Live has promised the event will not disappoint. Festival goers can look forward to hours of hot sun, screaming toddlers, and a complete lack of organization. The event will feature a single chemical toilet and a beer line staffed entirely by geriatrics who do not understand how to work the credit card machine. In keeping with modern convention while completely ignoring practicality, this festival will be entirely cashless to ensure maximum time spent waiting.

“We wanted to provide Richmonders with a prime opportunity to spend three to four hours shifting their weight and staring into space while basking in the smell of sweat and funnel cake farts just for a sip of a $17 Summer Shandy,” Koch said.

While tickets for the festival went on sale five months ago, Koch said that he and RVA Live began planning the event just three weeks ago.

“There really wasn’t much to it,” Koch said. “We threw up some chain link fencing, invited six food trucks, a beer truck, and one guy to create henna tattoos. It should be a blast.”

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