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Lucy Dacus Only Getting Paid 75% of Guy With Mandolin at Friday Cheers

RICHMOND, Va. — Richmond’s own singer-songwriter, Lucy Dacus, is slated to cap off the Friday Cheers summer concert series with a performance tonight. However, Dacus’s agent was shocked to find that her client would receive approximately 75% of the pay given to another performer known mainly as some guy with a mandolin.

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Some guy with a mandolin, sometimes referred to as, “that dude with the tiny guitar thingy” or “Frank Meyers,” played two songs, with one spoken word poem sprinkled in, during the intermission of one Friday Cheers performance, yet he made 25% more than Dacus will for her hometown return show. Meyers justified his income for that one show: “It’s really hard out there for guys like me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to tune this stupid thing? It’s like if a fiddle and guitar had a fat son they were ashamed of.”

Dacus, a critically acclaimed singer-songwriter who often collaborates with some of indie rock’s most respected acts, was deemed not as profitable as a man who moonlights at Olive Garden to provide “atmosphere” during their unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks promotion.

Concert promoter, Stanley Olson explained: “It’s nothing against Lucy, it’s just that Hank, or whatever the mandolin guy’s name is, has a certain something she doesn’t have. Plus, his spoken word poem even rhymed. Do you have any idea how hard that is?”

Meyers refused to acknolwedge that discrimination could play a role in the pay gap. “Look, I’m a big act too!” he explained in an interview, trying to make sense of the fact his salary was higher than an artist who has released two critically acclaimed albums. “I deserved every penny. Everyone’s out there saying, ‘Oh, Lucy’s in a super amazing group with Julien Baker and Phoebe Bridgers, two of indie rock’s most iconic young voices,’ blah blah blah. I’m in a super group too! My buddy Slappy Henderson and his brother Shifty are in a band with me called Meat Splatter. We just released a new single called ‘Sexy Tarzan,’ which was rated two middle fingers up by some guy under a bridge.”

Dacus’s concert, on the other hand, is expected to draw an enormous crowd and she will be given a complimentary tote bag as a bonus for her performance.

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