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Virginia Beach Pleads to Beachgoers: “Stop and Visit on Your Way to the Outer Banks!”

VIRGINIA BEACH  In a move aimed at boosting local tourism and the economy, officials from the Tidewater Tourism Board (TTB) have issued a statement begging travelers and beachgoers to stop and visit Virginia Beach for once on your way to North Carolina.

The background of the TTB’s statement stems from a perceived lack of interest in the Hampton Roads general area. According to them, more tourists are bypassing Virginia Beach and traveling to the Outer Banks instead.

Bob Johanassen, Director of the TTB, says the recent downturn of the economic conditions in the area is the result of a considerable drop in the amount of tourists the community sees annually. The town of Nags Head, however, has reported continuous growth in their tourism economy over the past few years, much to the dismay of Johanassen and his colleagues.

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“Seriously, what is there to do in Nags Head besides go to the beach and play mini golf?” Johanassen asked in a recent interview. “There’s just, like, one road and a just so-so beach, and that’s it. They probably don’t even have a mall to shop at.”

“We’re tired of feeling like the redheaded bastard stepchild of the Mid-Atlantic when we’re so much better than that,” Johanassen continued. “It’s not like we’re Atlantic City, for Christ’s sake.”

In addition to the many activities Virginia Beach offers, the TTB plans to highlight the low attendance as an attractive feature to drive tourism.

“There’s plenty to do here, it’s easy to get to, and since it’s not as crowded you only have to spend one day sitting in tunnel traffic instead of two. Come visit the boardwalk and see what we’re all about!”

While it’s unclear if any direct action will be taken to divert more tourists to Virginia Beach over North Carolina, rumors are circulating from within the TTB that any and all traffic signs containing directions to the Outer Banks will soon be deconstructed, burned, and buried in an undisclosed location.

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4 Comments on Virginia Beach Pleads to Beachgoers: “Stop and Visit on Your Way to the Outer Banks!”

  1. Hey Va Beach – thats the point – some people like a beach where there is no traffic, no malls, and where we can drink a beer while fishing on the beach without hiding it in a cooler cup – and the only sounds we hear are the waves – not the f-18s.. oh and waves that are actually ride-able..


  2. thelivingfactory // August 5, 2017 at 4:29 pm // Reply

    maybe if the Director of the TTB didnt make insulting statements such as “redheaded bastard stepchild” and promoted what if anything is worth stopping in VA beach for, rather than criticizing…..his lack of professionalism and nasty tone is enough to keep me driving by.
    p.s. FREE PARKING might help out


  3. No where to park!
    Who wants to be on the beach and have to run back to your car to put money in a meter before you get a ticket?


  4. Do people not understand this is a satirical site? Or are they in on the joke? We will never know.


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