Conservative Wants to Make Left Turn, Decides That’s a Good Enough Reason to Remove Monuments

RICHMOND, Va. — Mechanicsville resident Jimmy Davis recently disclosed that, despite his previous beliefs, he is now open to removing the monuments on Monument Avenue in order to make driving on the road more manageable.

Davis, a roofer by trade, told reporters that he had a change of heart when he did some work on a Monument Avenue house. “I came all the way to the city, then when I was trying to leave, I couldn’t even make a dang left turn where I needed to. Stonewall Jackson, may he rest in peace, was in the way. I had to go all the way up to the next street and make a U-turn.”

The Stonewall Jackson monument sits at Monument Avenue and Boulevard, a placement that results in an intersection that does not allow left turns, much to the frustration of the local community, including Davis.

“I’m a supporter of the South, but I’d be willing to negotiate a bit if it meant I could make a left turn onto Boulevard,” he explained.

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Davis told reporters that he’s a longtime member of the Sons of the Confederacy and that he’s participated in every rally to keep the statues. “I’m not a white supremacist, you hear?” he insisted during a recent interview. “I just believe that whites are being treated unfairly and unjustly, and I’m trying to hold on to the history that we worked so hard to build. White men founded this country. They deserve to be honored.”

However, due to this incident he has amended his stance, saying that he would be open to removing the Stonewall Jackson statue if it meant he would be able to make a left turn at the Monument and Boulevard intersection. “The city streets are hard enough to drive on as it is. There’s tons of traffic, I have to parallel park my truck, and those cobblestones are just awful. I’d really just like to get to where I want to go, instead of having to figure out where I can and can’t turn.”

At press time, Davis was seen dealing with a minor traffic accident, which occurred after he failed to yield in the middle of the traffic circle around the Robert E. Lee monument.

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