Scandal Reveals Illegal Doping and Steroids in River City Sports Kickball Team

RICHMOND, Va. — Following an in-depth investigation, Richmond police have exposed a major drug and steroid scandal surrounding a River City Sports & Social Club (RCSSC) kickball team.

While other teams warmed up for games by stretching lightly and consuming substantial amounts of canned beer, players from the team called “Your Face Into First Base“ would remain by their cars and pass out medical syringes filled with steroids. “It was like a mom handing out Capri Sun to a little league t-ball team,” reported one eye witness. Another witness claims to have seen a player pulling a syringe out of his vein right before coming up to kick.

Almost immediately after injecting the drugs into their bodies, team members would display crazed and hazardous behaviors, showing the drugs’ effects by crushing orange cones with their barefeet, kicking the ball so hard it burst, or pulling playground equipment out of the ground and throwing it across the field.

“They always looked so angry,” said RCSCC kickball referee, David McAffrey, “I got to the point where I was too scared to make a call on them because they would get in my face. It’s just a kickball game; it’s not worth the potential violence.”

Police reports indicate that the drugs were obtained through a team member’s family connection to the NFL.

RCSCC teams are advertised as “the perfect cocktail of sports and socializing.” They provide a year-round, casual way to play sports and hang out with teammates. “I just come to kickball to have some beers and unwind with my friends,” said Hunter Terrence. “It’s not that we were upset because we’d always lose to them, but we were actually afraid when we had to play Your Face Into First Base. It took all the fun away. They’ve knocked players unconscious before just by tagging them out.”

RCSCC representatives declined to put out an official comment on the situation but did confirm that, while heavy drinking is highly encouraged, drug use is strictly banned during all sports games.