FAIRFAX, Va — In a probably unprecedented turn of events, GMU freshman Austin Wilson revealed today that he has hit over 500 connections on his LinkedIn profile.
“I got 500 plus connections on LinkedIn,” Wilson yelled, gleefully yet confidentially. “As a college freshman, no less. Now that I’m connected with so many random go-getters and a dozen or so employees at my Dad’s accounting firm, so many opportunities have opened up for me. Who knows? I may have already connected with my future boss.”
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Declaring it as a “milestone in his professional career” in an exclusive interview with The Peedmont, Wilson claimed he also shared this news with The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and Business Insider, but that they all declined to publish it. “One would think this would be a pretty big deal, but oh well,” Wilson added.
His over 500 connections are proudly displayed next to his formal yet calm and approachable looking profile picture. Also present is his bio statement, in which Wilson describes himself as a determined go-getter who is excited to start the next chapter in his life. The profile also states he is skilled in Microsoft Office, Leadership, and Communication.
Several of Wilson’s classmates, however, are unimpressed. An anonymous student in Wilson’s residence hall stated, “He probably just sent a connection request to everyone that has George Mason listed in their education.”
When asked about these allegations, Wilson vehemently denied such behavior. “Was it William who said that? I bet it was William. He’s just jealous because he only has 48 connections and one of those is his mom.”
Wilson remains confident that his networking on LinkedIn will lead to potential opportunities further down the road.
“This is a huge first step. Maybe in a few years I’ll be able to buy The Post out of old Jeffy boy’s hands.” When asked about his business plan to do this, Wilson once again announced that he had achieved 500 plus connections on LinkedIn.
Wilson was last seen on LinkedIn announcing that his first day at GMU had been insightful and “full of networking opportunities.”
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