RICHMOND, Va. — In a surprise move during a meeting last week, Richmond City Council nearly came to an agreement on a resolution concerning the city’s ongoing pothole issues, by concluding that the project’s name “Pothole Blitz” sounded almost awesome enough to actually commit to.
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“We were really excited about the name,” Department of Public Works spokesperson Danielle Wilson said. “You rarely have fun at a City Council meeting, what with all the bickering and name calling, but as soon as ‘Pothole Blitz’ was proposed the mood completely shifted and it was almost as if they were happy to be in the same room with each other.”
“And with a name sounding as bad-ass as ‘Pothole Blitz,’” Wilson continued, “we all thought ‘hey, this might actually be something to follow through with.’”
Council members immediately began excitedly discussing ideas on how to promote the project throughout their respective districts. Pothole parties, which were described as small festivals to promote the possibility of fixing potholes, were planned around some of the particularly large craters throughout the city.
Mayor Levar Stoney also proposed that the city procure the rights to change the lyrics to Sweet’s 1974 song “The Ballroom Blitz” for use in radio advertisements informing the public of the upcoming construction. Another council member suggested working with Ardent Craft Ales to release a commemorative stout named after the project.
“Hell, we could even tie this into football season and photoshop a picture of all of us wearing football helmets as we charge towards a gaping pothole,” Wilson added. “How freaking cool would that be?”
The initial enthusiasm was finally quashed when Council Vice President Chris Hilbert reminded everyone that unanimously agreeing to resolve the pothole issue in one fell swoop was not in tune with the Council’s past precedent of failing to agree on anything.
“I guess they realized that, even though the name was amazing, it just wouldn’t be enough to move them to any sort of real action,” lamented Christopher Dugan, an Oregon Hill resident who was in attendance. “I mean the name has to be worth something, right? That was a pretty awesome name and they’ve got to do something with it.”
The meeting closed with City Council agreeing to begin arguing next month over the formation of a commission to review the effectiveness and potential use-cases for the name “Pothole Blitz” moving forward.