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Ralph Northam Attends Virginia PrideFest in Rainbow Face

RICHMOND, Va. In a bold attempt to get into the Pride spirit, Gov. Ralph Northam attended the VA PrideFest wearing rainbowface, sources confirmed Saturday.

To the astonishment of everyone at the festival, Northam made his way through the grounds with all seven shades of the rainbow painted meticulously on his face, shaking hands with everyone in the diverse crowd. 

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“We welcome everyone,” a spokesperson for Virginia Pride later stated to reporters, “and though we suspect his heart was in the right place, his head was clearly chin deep into his own ass.”

Northam made his way to the front of the stage and began what can only be described as ‘making it rain’ onto several performing drag queens. Before being pulled off stage, Northam shouted, “Let’s hear some k.d. lang!”

“Trifling,” Zelda Josephine quipped after a kiki with fellow drag performers. “And I thought walking in on Kirk Cox getting a handy-j from a twunk in the porto john was going to be the craziest thing I saw.”

Cell phones were snapping photos left and right of the clueless governor; some even took ironic selfies with him and plastered them across social media with the hashtag #pridefestyearbook.

Northam scarfed down a couple of hot dogs and had a few hard ciders before making his way back to the motorcade with his now smeared face paint. “Virginia is for all lovers,” Northam said with gusto, before being whisked away.

“I’d vote for him again if I could, I suppose,” noted one gentleman who unzipped his mask so he could talk with reporters. “His wife sure is in for a surprise when he gets home…he looks like he just sucked off a unicorn.”

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