TYSONS CORNER, Va. — In a desperate attempt to avoid discussing what he does for work and how long he’s lived in the area, Arlington resident David Murphy jumped out of an Uber after his driver made numerous failed attempts at conversation, sources confirmed Friday.
“I had a bad feeling when I got into the car and he was playing Top 40 hits on the radio,” Murphy told reporters of Uber driver Marc Nielsen. “But when he started driving and asked how I like living in my part of town, things took an even darker turn.”
“I really wasn’t feeling up for conversation, and I was hoping for a few minutes to text my friend Sarah back,” he added.
Murphy claims to have given Nielsen indications that he had no interest in talking, including ignoring the questions, texting, and covering his ears while repeating, “La la la, I can’t hear you.” But his attempts allegedly went unnoticed for the majority of the Uber ride, as Nielsen continued the one-sided conversation.
When asked about his upcoming summer plans, Murphy explained that jumping out of the car was his only option. “I have some cracked ribs and my elbow is bending weird, but I just didn’t know what else to do,” he told reporters.
At press time, Murphy was seen throwing himself out the window of a Starbucks when a barista asked how his weekend was going.
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