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Scott’s Addition Pumpkin Festival Features No Pumpkins in Child’s First Encounter With the Harshness of Reality

RICHMOND, Va. — 6-year-old Lisa Fallon was confronted with her first taste of cold hard reality today after learning there were no pumpkins at the Scott’s Addition Pumpkin Festival, officials confirmed Saturday. 

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The festival, despite including pumpkin in the name and advertising itself as family friendly, featured only pumpkin flavored craft beers and assorted foods. Yet, this was not explained to Lisa, as she thought it would be a pumpkin patch, where she could pick the biggest pumpkins in all of Virginia to take home.

“I want to carve a pumpkin,” Lisa said, “I want to carve a pumpkin,” before finally just screaming “PUMPKIN!” over and over again.

While her parents, Erin and Anna, were a bit perplexed by the lack of pumpkins, they were certain that her screaming would stop eventually. “We tried giving her candy,” Erin said, “that didn’t work. Neither did a picture with Nutsy, the Flying Squirrel.”

Not even the dogs of random strangers could cheer her up. “I asked Lisa if she wanted to pet my Pomeranian,” Elizabeth Kline, a drunken bystander, said, “but she ignored her and just kept on crying.”  

However, after crying and screaming for nearly thirty minutes, a bartender from Ardent Ales brought her the one pumpkin they had left after making this year’s batch of The One Pumpkin Ale.

At the time of press, Lisa was seen happily carving her pumpkin, which he has named Tim. 

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