News Peed

“Ready to Vote Today, Cowboy?” Reads Monday Morning Text Sent From Drunk Terry McAuliffe to Joe Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. As both an act of challenge and a friendly reminder, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe texted state senate candidate Joe Morrissey while heavily intoxicated asking if he was ready to vote today, sources confirmed Monday.

RELATED (article continued below):

The text, sent at approximately 7:30 this morning, was believed to have been sent after McAuliffe had pulled yet another all-nighter consuming beer from craft breweries from all over the state. 

“Whas up, cowboy, ready to vote today??” read the semi-incoherent text from the shitfaced McAuliffe, sent one day before the actual election. “Today’s the big day, ass-chump, so I hope you’ree ready to duke it out in full fuckin force at the poles. I’ll bet you can’t even beat that Dunnivan bloke today.”

Sources close to McAuliffe revealed that after sending the text, the hammered former governor then texted one of his aides to retrieve an electric scooter so he could zip down to the ABC store, despite the aide’s protest that the store wouldn’t be open for at least another hour. 

Morrissey responded to the aide’s texts, as well as all subsequent messages, with, “New phone, who dis?”

Have you been to our online store today?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: