TYSONS, Va. — After being forced to resign by President Trump, former Attorney General Jeff Sessions was spotted this week by early Christmas shoppers at Tysons Corner Center trying out to be one of Santa’s helper elves, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Reporters eventually caught up with Sessions in the mall parking lot to confirm that he had, in fact, chosen to leave the White House and work as a lowly Christmas elf. “You might think following around a big, fat oaf and doing his bidding all day is below my paygrade,” Sessions said while nibbling on a half-eaten fish filet. “I assure you, it is not.”
After the Christmas season is over, Sessions is expected to return to his previous job of being only the second creepiest person to ever run for Senate in Alabama.