News Peed

Friday Night at The Beach House Mistaken for High School Reunion

GLEN ALLEN, Va. — What was supposed to be a routine Friday night out with friends turned into complete chaos when a West End resident’s trip to The Beach House Bar & Grille was accidentally mistaken for a high school reunion.

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Kellie Foster, who graduated from Douglas Freeman High School in 2007, said she began her night at The Beach House, a popular spot amongst the area’s “bro” crowd, with her usual weekend gang. However, the night took an unexpected turn when she began to notice numerous classmates from her Freeman years at the bar.

“First I saw Holly Miller and Lauren Cameron, and I thought ‘Oh hey, I haven’t seen them in a few years,’” Foster stated. “And then I saw Holly’s ex, Brian, who was with his friends Jeremiah and Tommy. They all went to Freeman and graduated in ’07. At first I thought I had stumbled upon some kind of reunion that I hadn’t gotten an invite to. It was pretty terrifying.”

Foster then noticed Andrew Scott and Roger Stanley, two recognizable figures from the school’s nerd clique. “That really threw me off. I figured they’d still be playing Magic or Dungeons & Dragons at this point. I didn’t expect them to grow up to be the type of guys who hang out at a place like this.”

Events continued to deteriorate when Foster spotted Jason Bernard, the captain of Freeman’s 2006 varsity football team and a well-established jock douche. According to Foster, Bernard was loudly bragging to some former teammates who were also in attendance about his ability to double fist a pair of Bud Lights.

“God, I hate that prick, and he still acts like the douche-nozzle he was in high school. I guess some things never change,” Foster remarked, watching the group down shots of cheap vodka.

Thankfully for Foster, it appears that none of her ex-boyfriends from her high school years were in attendance. Nonetheless, officials are classifying the evening as a catastrophic event.

“It happens all too often, these unexpected reunions,” John Harding, a spokesperson for the Richmond Center of Lingering High School Drama, stated in a related interview. “At places like Bar Louie and The Beach House it’s very common to run into former classmates that you absolutely hated in school and had secretly hoped would meet unfortunate fates in their 20s.”

Harding says his team is working on installing signs on select West End bars to help warn patrons of the likelihood and the dangers of running into fellow high school alumni. Foster supports their efforts, recalling the experience as something that no Richmond millennial should have to endure.

“Fuck, this is so awkward,” Foster commented, adding that she had never planned to attend one of her school’s official reunions in the first place. “I specifically made a Facebook account so I could keep in touch with certain people and not have to go any of those damn reunions.”

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