Report: Shaka Smart Still Not VCU Men’s Basketball Coach

RICHMOND, Va. — Despite the wishes of Richmond residents both young and old, officials revealed that Shaka Smart is still not the head coach of the VCU men’s basketball team, sources confirmed Wednesday. 

Steve Fuller, a representative from the Virginia Department of Shaka Smart Coaching Affairs, led the investigation to determine whether or not Smart was currently positioned to help lead the VCU Rams to a season reminiscent of their famous 2011 run that saw them reach the Final Four in the NCAA championship.

“After a thorough investigation, we can safely confirm that the person coaching the VCU men’s basketball team is not Shaka Smart,” Fuller said in a statement, stressing that there was absolutely no way that current head coach Mike Rhoades could be confused with Shaka Smart. “We wish we had better news from our findings, but it is what it is. He still isn’t the coach, it’s no longer the year 2011, and that’s all there is to say about this.”

At the time of reporting, researchers from the biomechanical engineering department of VCU were in talks to investigate what it would cost to clone Smart in order to replace the current coach.