RICHMOND, Va. — Dominion Energy announced today that it intends to plow through the medians and trees along the route of its annual Christmas parade.
Citing the lack of space available for floats and attendees, the company plans to have bulldozers at the front of the parade to eliminate any environmental obstacles that stand in its way.
“With everyone and their brother wanting to attend our Christmas parade, we simply must free up space along our chosen pathway,” Dominion spokesperson Mike Hunt said. “We didn’t come to this decision lightly, but we feel sacrificing a few trees is worth it.”
“There are a lot of people around the city who really like Christmas,” Hunt continued. “It’s only natural that we expand our infrastructure to accommodate their Christmas consumption needs.”
Officials from Dominion Energy assured the public that no parade floats or onlookers will occupy the Pulse bus lanes.