News Peed

People Willing to Share Legal Opinions on Facebook Do Not Know What Impeachment Is

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has become the third President in American history to be impeached, resulting in many of our readers sharing extensive, complex legal opinions as to the pros and cons inherent in the process. Unfortunately, there appears to be little to no indication that anyone knows what impeachment is. 

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Don’t worry, we came to this conclusion after rigorous research. For example, Sally Henderson, our number one fan, posted, “Impeachment is when a president is removed from office for having sex with an intern. I remember back in the ‘90s when Bill Clinton was removed from office and replaced by the president from the acclaimed TV series ‘24.’” Henderson then posted several Minions gifs and her Aunt Martha’s Christmas fudge recipe, the latter evidently a mistake.

The Peedmont reached out to experienced legal scholar, emoji enthusiast, and avid Facebook-user, Uncle Marty, to get the real scoop on impeachment. Uncle Marty, whose legal scholarship includes several posts indicating that Facebook does not have the right to use his data, defined impeachment as the following, “Impeachment is when a man and a woman love each other very much, but sometimes a man and a woman fall out of love and essentially that’s why we’re doing two Christmases this year with your mom’s new friend, Dallas.”

Unfortunately, while most of our readers appear to have opinions about impeachment, hammering out what exactly impeachment is has proven quite difficult. This comes as quite a shock to the editorial staff who are currently reviewing comments asking whether an article about a woman calling the police on a statue is satire or not. 

Finally, we reached out to one local attorney, Frank Johnson, for a primer on the actual definition of impeachment. Johnson explained, “The impeachment process is a constitutional power utilized by Congress in the investigation of civil officers of the United States. The process has its roots in English common law which holds that…wait…are you asleep? It’s been literally five seconds.”

We may never find a solid answer as to what impeachment is, but that should not stop us from sharing our opinions about it.

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