MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Claiming that “millennial liberalism is plaguing the world,” Randy Starks of Mechanicsville condemned the Miss America pageant for crowning Camille Schrier, a 24-year-old biochemist student at VCU, as Miss America 2020 after she performed a chemistry experiment onstage, sources confirmed Monday.
“I remember the good ol’ days when beauty pageants were about good looks and bikinis, and nothin’ else, ‘cept maybe a few girls singin’ songs,” Starks explained, blaming the liberal elite for bringing PC culture to the contest. “The whole thing is just a supid dog and pony show now thanks to these damn liberal snowflakes. What’s next? Award that Gretchen Thornburg girl the title of Miss America for her ideas on the climate change hoax?”
Starks, who is currently between marriages, went on to express his disapproval for the pageant seeming to get further away from what he calls “traditional family values.”
“That girl ain’t gonna find a man,” he mused, “unless she can use that there science for sandwich making,” adding, “Thanks, Obama.”
At the time of reporting, Starks had reportedly joined a Facebook group for conservative activists called Make Miss America Great Again (MMAGA) to bring awareness to the plight of middle-aged men who have suffered since the pageant eliminated the swimsuit competition portion of the event.