RICHMOND, Va. — Audience measurement systems have noticed an interesting trend among those who view Richmond’s televised local news.
“We’ve noticed that married men with children, roughly aged between 40 and 70, what we call the ‘your dad’ demographic, are glued to the TV for one particular program,” claims an employee of the company currently measuring local news ratings for the Richmond area who wishes to remain anonymous.
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In analyzing the data taken from observing local news viewing habits among Richmonders, this source claims that their company noticed that the “your dad” demographic really responds to CBS 6 weather reporter Nikki-Dee Ray.
“CBS 6 is usually just a pretty run-of-the-mill news telecast, but the minute Nikki-Dee shows up to update people as to what the weather will be, we get a massive spike in viewers from the ‘your dad’ demographic,” our source said.
“They’ll stay for the entirety of it, then as soon it as it ends after Nikki-Dee has given the seven day forecast, they will usually switch channels and go back to watching whatever sports match or World War II documentary they had on before.”
However, there’s more to the data than just raw results, the employee claims. “We can really see a lot more than just who is watching. Using new, state-of-the-art technology, we can also ascertain what is being said when this demographic is watching. And what we discovered shocked us.”
“It’s not this ‘your dad’ demographic that’s doing the talking,” our source claimed. “It’s their wives, who we’ve called the ‘your mom’ demographic, if you will. And we have good reason to believe they’re berating their husbands precisely for watching Nikki-Dee’s weather report.”
Using this technology, the company has created an algorithm of the phrases most likely to be said by a wife to a husband watching Ray’s weather report. They include “Oh God, it’s Nikki-Dee again,” “You were just watching ‘Pawn Stars,’ did you really flip over just to watch her?” “I told you what the weather was going to be this morning, but you only listen to the blonde on CBS,” and finally “If you love her so much, why didn’t you marry her instead of me, you lazy bastard?”
In asking how the “your mom” demographic should respond, our source said that it might be wise for them to direct their husbands to Ray’s Facebook page for her inspirational quotes for spiritual guidance.
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