RICHMOND, Va. — People outside the Capitol building recently looked up from their phones as the winds whipped up throughout Richmond, when a particularly swift gust of wind suddenly revealed the other boob on the Virginia state flag waving above the capitol building.
City officials were quick to act on the meteorological wardrobe malfunction involving Virtue, the goddess displayed on the seal, and dispatched a team of workers to fix her toga. Workers also used large black bars to temporarily cover up the exposed areas.
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As jaws dropped, fingers pointed, and babies could be heard crying in the distance, some onlookers clutched more than just their hats at the sight of two fully exposed female boobies on the official flag of the commonwealth.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” exclaimed Janet Shifflet, a retired horse psychic consultant visiting from Wytheville, “there might as well be a Playboy centerfold strung up that pole. She should get a job at Paper Moon if she just thinks she’s going to go topless in public like that.”
“This is what happens when you take God out of schools in place of science,” she added.
“Have you no decency, Miss,” shouted one man as he picked up a loose brick and hurled it at the flag but having it fall roughly 12 feet away from where he stood, adding, “This is Richmond, not Tits-mond.”
“Hashtag Tits-mond, I think we could get this trending,” responded a young male democratic staffer as he struggled to get the perfect photo on his phone of the softcore pornographic image waving vigorously in the wind, adding “you know my mother has breasts, and both my grandmothers had breasts, that flag is about booby heritage, not booby hate.”
City officials quickly released a statement the incident, calling the accident an isolated incident that isn’t expected to happen again.
“Earlier today, a strong gust of wind from the northwest accidentally exposed Virtue’s other nipple in a public setting,” the statement read. “Our workers have been onsite and making modifications to Virtue’s outfit that should prevent further tit exposure caused by the weather in the future. We apologize to anyone affected by the incident.”
At the time of reporting, NBC12’s chief meteorologist Jim Duncan announced that “Virtue’s flag boob” would be used as a measurement standard for predicting wind gusts in the commonwealth.