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Virginia General Assembly Relocated 500 Feet Away From School Tours to Accommodate Joe Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — Members of the Virginia General Assembly were forced to relocate on the first day of the 2020 legislative session because the presence of Sen. Joe Morrisey conflicted with a pre-planned tour of high school students, sources confirmed Wednesday.

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Morrissey, who was convicted of delinquency of a minor in 2013, is expected to be in Capitol Square frequently in order to fulfill his obligations as a state legislator. His presence creates a difficult situation for Capitol Classroom, the organization which manages the capitol tour program.  

As a measure of safety, Capitol Classroom decided to enact a 500-foot “zone of impregnability” around Morrissey. The hope is this buffer zone will avoid any appearance of impropriety between the legislator and a wayward high school junior searching for the restroom. 

“We’re not under any sort of court order to keep him away from underage girls,” Pamela Dudash, director of the Capitol Classroom program explained, “however, we have put this rule in place out of an abundance of caution.”

Given the frequency of capitol tours and the difficulty with tracking Morrissey’s movements, Capitol Classroom urged Speaker of the House Eileen Filler-Corn to relocate the body to an offsite location during all tours of high school students. 

Upon hearing the arrival school busses, Filler-Corn suspended the session for 15 minutes to allow legislators to walk to the nearby Capital Ale House where the session reconvened, and legislators debated the merits of gun reform over beer and pretzels.  

“Close enough,” said Filler-Corn with a shrug. “At least they have perogies.”

The 500-foot rule is expected to remain in effect until the current legislative session ends in March. Sources said that Capitol Classroom and the Capitol Police are considering implementing a high-tech early warning system for future sessions that would alert everyone when Morrissey is in the building.

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