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Man Strapped With Guns Physically Can’t Make Walk up 9th Street

RICHMOND, Va. — Huffing and puffing with all of his might, gun rights advocate John Borshman tried to attend Monday’s rally but was unable to make the hike up 9th street due to the weight of the multitude of firearms he was carrying, sources confirmed Monday. 

Borshman travelled from Ohio with a four AR-15s, an AR-18, two 12-gauge shotguns, a Ruger Super Redhawk revolver, three Glock pistols, an antique M1 Garand, and a Walther PPK to attend the rally in support of his right to carry firearms. He made the mistake of parking in Manchester, on the opposite of the James River from the rally and struggled to walk the mostly uphill distance to join his comrades. 

“This is much harder than I thought it would it be,” a sweating Borshman explained between deep breaths as he rested near the James Center, adding that his 2004 map of Virginia didn’t account for the uphill terrain. “I knew it’d be a bit of a walk, but I didn’t expect to have to literally exercise my rights. I may have to sit this one out, brothers.” 

“I considered leaving one of my guns sitting next to a tree, to relieve some of the weight, and I’d just get it on the way back to my car,” he added. “But then I’d have to worry about some city dweller taking it. And someone getting something of mine for free is the definition of socialism, can’t have that.” 

At the time of reporting, multiple witnesses confirmed that a dozen other rally attendees were in a similar predicament to Borshman after choosing to park in Shockoe Bottom.

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