THE PEEDMONT HQ, Va. — Last year we brought on an intern named Andrew to assist with many of the standard day-to-day duties that take place at The Peedmont’s headquarters—things like brewing the coffee, making sure our computers were up to date, and spying on Steve to see if he was using company time and property to send emails to his long-distance girlfriend (turns out he was).
Andrew overperformed at all of his tasks, and we decided he was someone to keep around. And what better way to reward an asset than to send him on a well-earned vacation? After searching for flight deals through Kayak, Expedia, Orbitz, Travelocity, Google Flights, and talking with a Ukrainian travel agent that we were introduced to through a spam email, we found a pretty sweet round-trip ticket price in ultra-basic economy on a low budget carrier to and from Milan. We didn’t book anything beyond that; we decided we’d get him to Italy and then let him plot his own adventure.
We dropped Andrew off at the airport with a $10 bill and sent him on his way. When we got back to the office, we returned to our normal routine of watching dog gifs and eating donuts in the breakroom.
That was three weeks ago, and we haven’t heard from him since. We’re starting to get worried.
We’re pretty sure his return flight back to the states was sometime this week, or maybe it was last week, but we lost the airline confirmation email when we went through our annual inbox spring cleaning a few days ago. He’s a sharp guy, though, and he should be able to find his way back to the states sooner or later.
We’d like to go check on him, but we wouldn’t know where to start. Oh, and we can’t fly there, because a) travel restrictions are in place and b) it’s just not in the budget right now.
Plus, he’s really healthy. He endured having to sit through our hours-long meetings where we speculated about the number of diseases you could catch at Shamrock the Block porta potties. It’d take a lot more than a store brand version of pneumonia to take him down. We’re pretty sure he’s alright, wherever he is.
Andrew, if you’re reading this, we’re thinking about you. Not in, like, “that” manner, but like, in a concerned way. We hope you make it back home, and back to work soon, since the coffee machine isn’t working the way it’s supposed to. We tried unplugging it and then plugging it back in, but it didn’t fix the issue. So yeah, we need you back in the office ASAP.
But if you come back with coronavirus, you might as well clean out your desk—after you disinfect the entire office.